I want more

I want more time, so I can work on all of my diabetes related needs. Medication, exercise, meals, testing, insurance issues, these are all items that need a considerable amount of my time to take care of. They are also things that I know I don’t give myself the time to take care of the way that they should be taken care of. These items occasionally do float to the top of my “to do list” but they rarely stay there. I know from the results of my last A1c (4.9) that I am doing mostly ok with all of these diabetes related time issues, but mostly ok is not really ok with me.

I love my job and probably spend more time doing it than I should. I love being a volunteer firefighter and probably spend more time doing it than I should. I love my family and don’t spend near enough time doing that than I should. I don’t love diabetes and don’t spend near enough time doing that than I should. I look at all four of these things, family, diabetes, work and firefighting and I wonder which areas I can take time from and give to the areas that I should be spending more time on.

I know from the outside it looks like the choice is easy, less work, less firefighting. After saying that reality kicks in and tells me the reason I have the position and pay that I have at work is because of the hours I put into it. The reason I have the position that I have at the fire department is because of the hours that I put into it. I know, I know, positions and promotions don’t mean squat if you don’t have family and health.

I really liked where I was at in my life before diabetes came along. The balance of my time with family, firefighting and work seemed pretty good before diabetes came along. But alas diabetes did come along, gobbling up any extra time that I had and beating me over the head wanting more of my precious time.

In the end I know what I have to do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I want more time!