The Wait

I had my 3 month appointment with my doctor to get my A1c checked on Monday. Now comes the wait. I know the wait is something every diabetic knows about. It’s that time from when you get your blood drawn for your A1c test until you get that phone call from the doctor with the results.

I guess I should let you know I’m not a very patient person when it comes to my health, I want my results and I want them now. I don’t want to wait three, four or more days. I know at this point I should be used to waiting for the results. This is my sixth A1c check since I was diagnosed with diabetes. I know a lot you that read this are thinking man, sixth check, boy he better get used to the wait. Sorry folks it’s just not going to happen.

The not knowing is what gets to me. I know I have pretty good control, I know I have been doing mostly the right thing at least “most” of the time. I use a CGMS, I test with my meter, I take my meds and yet I am apprehensive at what this test is going to tell me. I know that with all of the things I am doing right that my A1c should be no higher than 5.5. I will be happy with it as long as it is below 5.5. It will be lower than 5.5 and still the emotions of waiting seem to almost consume me.

I have read the stories of people that have a tough time controlling their diabetes and quite frankly the thought of complications is what drives me to try and control my diabetes. The stories of complications also add to my anxiety while I wait on the results. At times while waiting for my results my mind will tend to wander to the point that it starts thinking about what would or could happen if I had some or even all of the complications that I have read about. When my mind takes me there it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and just adds to my impatience with the wait.

In the end I guess over time I will become more accepting of the wait and maybe even a little less hair will be standing up on the back of my neck. But for now the hair is standing at full attention.

Changing Doctors

Tomorrow I go to the Dr for my 3 month A1c. Nothing out of the ordinary about that, the un-ordinary part is that I am going to see a new Dr.

This whole process of changing Dr’s started at my last A1c check. I had been going to my last Dr for quite a few years and he had always done a fine job as far as I was concerned. My issues with him didn’t begin until after I was diagnosed with diabetes. After my diagnosis I started to notice that when I asked him questions about diabetes he would give me what I felt was a “brush off” type answer. I have real concerns about complications from diabetes, namely I don’t want any, or at least want to limit any that I may get. When I asked him about my legs going numb from the knees down his answer was, you know you are getting older and things won’t always be like they were when you were younger. When I asked him about getting light headed after I bend over his answer was that he has the same problem and a comment about it being another one of those age things. Those “age” answers might set a little better with me if I were maybe 60+ years old but I’m only 40. Yea I know only 40 is already about half a lifetime but to me it’s just not that old, any how back to the subject at hand. The straws, yes straws as in multiple, that broke the camels back with me and my last doctor were the last two times I went to see him and have my lab work done he forgot to tell them to do the A1c test. For me that was the deal breaker, wait a week to get the results and call in only to be told that the doctor didn't order that test. Then I get the opportunity to take a little more time off of work to go have another blood test to get the A1c done. Long story short I decided it was time for a new doctor.

I have a lot of faith in one of the nurses that works at my doctors’ office so I asked her if she could recommend a doctor in this same complex that would give my diabetes the attention that I feel it deserves. She gave me a handful of doctors to look at. I called all of these doctors and asked if I could get an appointment to “interview” them to be my doctor. Two of them said I could make an appointment and talk to them, all but one of the rest of them couldn't understand why I would want to talk to them before I put my health in their hands, the last one said that they don’t do this type of appointment. I went in and talked to the two of them that were willing to meet with me, the first one treated me very similar to my original doctor, kick that one out of the running. The last one I talked to was willing to have me come in when he was done with appointments for the day and spent a good deal of time answering my questions about his style of treatment of diabetes.

So tomorrow morning I get to see my new Dr, list of questions in hand and a hopeful attitude that my diabetes will get the attention that I feel it deserves.

The other .01%

I guess I’m going to start this out with a disclaimer. The only connection to diabetes in the following post is that it is about me, a person with diabetes. I’m not sure if you would call this one a rant or just mourning out loud, I guess anyone that reads this can make that decision for themselves.

I’m a volunteer firefighter and I would have to say that I truly enjoy firefighting 99.99% of the time. Last night was the other .01% of the time.

The night was going like most any other Saturday night until my radio went off and we got a call for an accident. I responded like I have so many other times. I was on the third truck to arrive on the scene, the first two trucks and ambulances had already got there and where treating patients. The medics requested an air ambulance so I knew that someone had been injured pretty badly. The first thing that I did when I got to the scene was start setting up a landing zone for the air ambulance, once that was done I went to see if anyone needed help with anything else. I was in the process of helping a couple of the medics get a stretcher out of the back of one of the ambulances when I first noticed that I knew a few of the bystanders at this scene. I didn’t think too much about knowing some of the people standing around, I live in a small community and it’s not unusual to know some of the people that we respond to help. I looked over towards the other ambulance that was there and noticed the medics working on the other injured person in the back of their unit. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked one of the medics who the other injured person was. The medic told me the name of the person; it was my wife’s nephew. We got word a few hours later that he didn’t make it.

This is where that .01% that I mentioned earlier comes in. Being that I live in a fairly small rural community the odds are pretty good that when the fire pager goes off we are going to at least know of some of the people that we are going to help. Most of the time knowing of the people is not a problem, but when it is someone that you know and have watched grow up the call takes on a whole different feel. This next part is going to sound a little jaded but it is just how I feel and deal with a fatal accident like this one. When you just know “of” someone it is easier to distance yourself from the emotional side of what you are there to do, but when you know the person it becomes very difficult to get away from the emotions. This type of call becomes very personal. You start to think about the family of the injured person, not just the names but also the faces. You feel the pain, you feel the loss and it all becomes so very real.

As a firefighter I tend to try and put my last call behind me so that I am ready to make the next call. This call is going to take a while to get behind me.

Goodbye Jarod, we’ll miss you buddy.