Totally Consumed

At times it seems my life has been consumed by diabetes. I have spent countless hours researching causes, symptoms, complications and anything else that goes along with this disease. I never seem to tire reading all that I can find about diabetes. When I stop and think about it I could probably add OCD (about diabetes information) to the list of things that are wrong with me. I have joined numerous discussion boards on diabetes, I have several member pages on different diabetes forums and I subscribe to a laundry list of diabetes related blogs.

I think reading the blogs is one of the things that I enjoy most about this disease. I know it sounds odd having enjoy and disease in the same sentence but it’s true. It seems that no matter how bad the situation, or in this case the diagnosis I can find some things about it that will at least make me smile. Reading diabetes blogs does make me smile and I do enjoy a good smile. I have also found a lot of comfort in finding other people out there with diabetes that have the same questions and fears about the future that I have.

I understand that if I keep my blood sugars in control that I may not have to suffer any of the complications that so many other people have to deal with. The problem that I have with that is the phrase “may not”. That phrase just scares the crap out of me. I do dearly want to be around to watch my kids grow up. I can easily cope with how the weather changes from the forecast and I can deal with my daily plans changing on a moments notice. I just have an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that no matter how hard I work at controlling this disease it “may not” keep me from going blind, loosing a foot or some other nasty complication that comes along with diabetes.

I think that since diabetes now plays such a major role in my life that this new diversion of devouring all of the diabetes related information that I can get my hands on is just a new part of my life.

My life is truly consumed by diabetes and the search for more diabetes related information.